Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
