i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
