gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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