Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They took my balls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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