yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
