she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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