i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
