I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
