did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
