Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
