Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
