porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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