after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
