oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
