Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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