bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
