i already hear my dad disowning me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
