I think I won the penis lottery.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
