you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
