Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
