I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
