you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
