Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
