I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
