gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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