if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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