i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
