Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
