Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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