I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
