I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
