i think my tv is drunk
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
