he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mom said you looked used
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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