i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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