i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
