I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need moral support for this bender
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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