I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
