I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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