she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
