I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
