Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
