I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
