so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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