He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
