in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All the doctor said was why
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
