As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
