i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
