I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
