Kareoke will never be a sober sport
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
