Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
