so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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